Caught in the Middle

Being caught in the middle reminds me of this Chips Ahoy cookie commercial I used to watch as a child. It would go like this, "squeezed in the middle, smack dab in the middle, squeezed in the middle" and continue on like that. The thing about being caught in the middle is being fixed in one position while only moving with the outside forces.

In a sense, the outside forces determine your direction, your movement, and most importantly, your perspective.

Here, I'm caught in the middle of being both Black and American. For most of my life, my world was shaped and viewed through my blackness. Interestingly, I didn't realize this until I attended a predominantly white college. My blackness was never felt so strongly. I realized for the first time that my race actually mattered to some people and shaped how our social interactions would play out. I mean yeah, I've been followed around stores by employees - especially in beauty supply stores; and I've been treated unkind by workers in malls and people in passing, but had never experienced this feeling. I experienced a sense of alterity...feeling like an outsider. 

As a child, I've often heard the phrase, "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me", well ladies and gentlemen, that's a lie. Words hurt. Words stick with you. There are adults who are still struggling with words/lies they've been told as children and young adults. Words leave imprints in your memory...okay, I have finished my digression for now. 

In Ghana, for the first time I am experiencing two identities. In America, I don't often experience my American identity because my blackness overshadows it. For the first time, I truly feel like an American.  I wonder what it feels like, looks like, and means to be an American in America! That may have went over your head, but you may get it one day...

Written on July 24, 2013